something else?

I hear the summer afternoons, full of boards on wheels, Frisbees in the air and trips through the backcountry, calling my name already. It’s rough, you know? I have the ACT testing in a week, a Chemistry midterm to study for and a ten page paper to write for English class detailing on how the 60’s affected Kurt Vonnegut’s writing style in the book Slaughter House Five. Yet, all I can think about is six weeks left…six weeks left…six weeks left.

Everyone told me that your junior year will be the hardest to get through. I am only a testimony to that statement. Each day that goes by, reminds me how much closer I am getting to summer. I feel my motivation draining as we speak. My inspiration…depleting. My will power…going, going…gone. Abracadabra…poof. Now you see me, now you don’t. You get the picture.

I heard a question the other day. If you had your financial situation secure for the rest of your life, what would you do? What you answer would be what you should pursue in college and for a career. I have a problem though. I would just play my guitar, go backpacking, ski and really just do what ever I do besides school. I’m not sure how to pursue any of that and if I did, I really don’t think that I could live off of what salary I receive. Bummer.

I’m coming to an epiphany. Really I am. I feel it coming at my like a train in the night. Hopefully Amos Lee is on board and we can ride home together. I’ll pass on the cocaine though, and really I don’t like coffee either. Sorry if you didn’t get that joke. I have to decide though. Is school something that I need to put my heart into? Everyone tells me so, but some of the biggest mistakes that people make are made because everyone was telling them that it was the right thing. I can do well at school. Very well, if I want to. But honestly, so can anybody. Just because I can succeed in mathematics and science, does that mean I should? I can also mow lawns real well. Maybe I should be a landscaper? I heard they make good money.

I know it’s slightly ridiculous that I’m questioning whether school is right for me or not. Of course I’m going to go to college. I’m going to have a career someday, but I don’t know if math or science is where my heart is. I don’t know if getting my masters degree has a real value to me. I don’t know if taking all of these AP classes will benefit me in the future. What value are they anyway? I will forget most of what I learned in them soon. In the future, when I’m trying to teach my kids how to ride a bike, or throw a Frisbee, or when I’m somewhere on the other side of the world on a mission trip building a house, or when 60 years old and pondering on the thought of writing a book, I’m real sure that Calculus won’t help. Physics, not really a huge help. I know that just the fact that I went through such rigorous situations will help my character to grow and develop. But still...I’d rather do something else. Yeah, something else. Is that a career choice?