if I was the crying type

The grass was just turning green. I sat on the cold bench, while the sun set behind the majestic rocky mountains. I looked up, then down at my helmet loosley gripped in my hands, then back up at the mountains. I slipped the hard plastic over my head, fixed the straps, and threw on my gloves.

My head raced. I struggled to focus my mind on one single thought, let alone the right one. How was I going to remember this moment? What should I do, think, say? It's my last game, God damn it, I didn't want to regret anything.

I ran, got hit and put the ball in the net, as usual. I said some encouraging words and convinced not only my team, but myself that we had a chance to win. But, in the end we lost. And that was the last time I wore the Dawson name across my chest.

I realize that's it was just another game. That the one thing that will define my time at Dawson, playing lacrosse, are the people who I've laughed with, bled with and played with. Those I lost with, those I won with. Those I looked up to, and those who looked up to me.

So here's to them; My teammates. Here's to being a part of something bigger than myself. Here's to being apart of my team.


In stretching lines before the game, because men stretch in lines.


That's our goalie, nick-o


Sam, taking someone's cockies. "Damn it feels good to be a ganster"


That's Robert...he's, well, pretty dominate when he wants to be

.
Barney ripping a shot. You're still a freshman to me.


Andrew, aka Cranky Cat. Stay on his good side.


Another epic shot of Rob.


Stevy. Run seabiscuit, run!


The seniors; Coach Aldrich, Micheal, Robert, Sam Z., Kevin, Sam C., Jared, Andrew and me.


Don't we look sharp in our new black jerseys?


My team.

I'm going to miss everything about playing lacrosse with you guys. Thanks for that. Best of luck.

just ignore this

I'm back in school now. It doesn't feel great but I got to tell you it's not that bad. I don't do much. As a second semester senior, I've really checked out. I've bought into the idea of senioritous. One of my teachers last year had me convinced that it was a bunch of bull. I thought that it was just an excuse for not working. But now that I'm here, I've found myself trying less without thinking about it. Almost like my subconscious knows that I'm close to done, and in turn allows myself to get a bad case of senioritous. Or maybe I just choose to not think about it because if I just don't think about it, I don't have to address it like a problem, I can simply go about my normal day being a senior. Ignorance is bliss, I'm learning that slowly.

On a side note, Aaron has committed to not eating anymore meat. Well, he's calling himself a free-gan. He will eat meat, but tries his damndest not to. I don't know how he does it living in the Haagenson household, but he does. It's impressive. I talked to him about it a little bit. He doesn't do it because of animal cruelty, well at least that's not enough alone. He does it because the production of meat in general is a major contributer to the harm being done on our environment. I decided right then and there that it was just easier for me to not think about it. Because as soon as I start to think about it, I'll probably start to think that I to should try to not eat meat as much. Good and bad..for me, mainly bad. I eat meat. I eat a lot of meat. Mainly pork in any sort. I would like to continue enjoying my diet with meat in it. If I were to think about the ramifications of my gluttony, I would stop eating meat which that defeats my whole value system. Right?...right. Ignorance is bliss.

Ignorance is bliss can really bite you in the ass. If you let it get out of control, you could live a life that you may have enjoyed, but in retrospect, went nowhere. Here's my biggest struggle. As I say those very words, I start to think to myself, "just don't think about it". Because If I just don't think about how I choose to be ignorant toward certain things, then I don't have to see it as a problem nor do I have to fix it. My ignorance of my ignorance is my ultimate bliss. It's an ongoing cycle that never ends.

javon walker: his name doesn't deserve to be capitalized

Chump. Few people fit that category for me, but the shoe definitely fits javon walker. The man, sorry the chump, didn't deserve the Broncos. He's a Raider now, and it's my duty to despise him. Also, since he was a Bronco, I have to hate him extra. I don't know the logistics of that, but I know it's true.

On a lighter note, I have to gloat in something real quick. I got team captain for lacrosse today. It's been one of those things were it hits you at random times and you just start yelling. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like there, just then I just had an overwhelming urge to yell in celebration.

I think I'll make this one a cliff hanger.

blo bla ble blo

So here are my ten final prints from the first half of the semester. I hope you like them. sorry that some of them are sideways, I'm going to do a more "formal" post on these at my Photo 2 blog soon.

my shaft is fine, but I broke my head

Ha...it worked. Go ahead and try to tell me that that title didn't make you want to read this. You can thank Mr. Aaron Beoke for that one.

It's true. My shaft is in good condition but my head is crack in at least three different places. There's even a chunk missing from the side. It's pretty well useless now. It rattles around and bends in awkward ways.

Oh...you thought...come on. I was talking about my lacrosse stick. Tisk tisk.

I watched a documentary last night with Beoke. It was called the Aristocrats. I really did feel a little sick to my stomach afterward. If you ever think of watching it, do at your own risk.

Here what I want to say...I don't know about the man's policies really, I don't know his platform, but I like to hear the man speak. He just seems like an honest and humble man. That's all I want really. So...Obama your mama. What ever that means, but I think it supports Obama, which is what I was going for there.

"Myspace is lame"...did i say that?

So I did it. I won't even say a word, and nor should you. It is what it is, no matter what I said in any previous blogs (say April 2007).

www.myspace.com/ryanhaagenson

But there's reason, oh trust me on that. I have music and I never said that Myspace-music is lame.

just a thought

Ah hell...here we go again. I'm sitting here in a exhausting, and near apathetic, loss for words. I want to write, I do. And yet, I find it hard to focus my thoughts. There seems to be nothing to write about. The Shins are singing through the speakers to the left and right of me, hands burning from the unnumbing process that I have to dread through (it's unbelievable cold outside). What is a man to write about? Complaints? Sure, but those are easy. Sum up my life as in the past month or so? Could, but honestly, those can be the most boring blogs to read. Damn it, I did it again. I had nothing to say and so I drug on about nothing. Here's the line...here's me. (making swinging motion with one arm and doing to walking man motion across it with the other) Deep breathes, count to ten. Focus....sigh....just focus. Nope, didn't work. Never does.

Sometimes I just wish life would take a day off. A day that Nothing happens. No one says anything, no one goes anywhere. I just need to step back, look at myself. Look at my life. Make an assessment in sorts. I think that I've had many chances to grow and learn from what's been going on in my life recently with family, friends, school, but I never want to think about them. They're just so emotionally draining. I heard somewhere that it's good for a person to go off by themselves and just be alone. Meditate, pray, just breath. You know, four times a minute like we're suppose to. I heard that it's actually biblical. It's true, I guess. Jesus went off on his own all the time, right? I don't know, maybe I don't give myself any real alone time. I usually just take naps.

It was speratic and quite choppy, but so are my thoughts most the time. Thanks for listening, or reading I guess. I think that maybe my blogs would be better when read aloud. Just a thought.

the hands of time, must have arthritis

Tick tock, tick tock, tick tock.

It's the last three minutes in Creative Writing and I've never realized how slowly a second goes by, let alone three minutes.

My first lenko list

So I decided that I'm going to continue the trend. I'm calling it the "lenko list" (Andy Tulenko list). And it kind of works because if you pronounce it right, it sounds like link-o list and it's a link of ideas. I don't know, just an excuse for the name I guess. So here it is, a list of ideas that are poping into my head-

-Thermodynamics is uber boring
-I can't wait for next semester
-I can't wait for next year
-A girlfriend will solve all my problems
-I hate hard pencil erasers
-I guess a girlfriend will add to my problems
-BCS is idiotic
-College football is overrated
-Does Troy Smith even play pro?
-Didn't Troy Smith win the Hiesman?
-Mittens are the shit
-I want to wax some peef
-I'm cellphoneless, And I think it may be a good thing
-I made a blockbuster trade in my fantasy league last week: LT and Braylon Edwards for Ocho Cinco and Patrick Willis
-Highschool basketball is suprisly enjoyable to watch
-Rephrase: when you know the players personally...
-Will Smith is a good actor
-Does that make me a bad movie critic?
-Patriots are boring as crap
-Will Smith sucks at rapping
-I'm dominate at Madden '07 for PS2(tmac's victory was a fluke)
-I just watched the clock turn from 4:59 to 5:00
-No, your lame!

That's all I got I guess.

i don't know if there's a point, but it's a post-eh

So I've been sitting on my motivation these last couple of weeks. Not in the way that it's lighting a spark underneath me, but in the way that I'm smothering it. I've had a lot on my mind. There's been some deep thoughts, thorough conversations and progressive, or maybe not so progressive actions. I've been thinking about writing a new blog. I wanted to write something that compliments my attitude lately; something that explains my current life.

I've tried to define myself; challenging what makes me...me. I started to look into my attributes, and trying to see how I value them. I probed the question, slightly prompted by a classmate of mine, of why I have the faith in Christ the way that I do. It's a good question. One who's answer can better me as a person. I thought I could get a great post out of it, but truthfully, it's nothing lengthy. I can elaborate plenty but I believe, and this phrase is very much inspired by a good friend of mine, that authentic hope leads to belief, which leads to actions of faith. I have my faith because I have that hope in something more important, and a belief that Christ was right, and faith that betters me, you and a whole lot of other people.

Truthfully, I've had a pretty...uh..."rough" week, not for lack of a better word but the lack of the will to use profanity. I feel like I'm getting so close to the end of a chapter in my life, and I can't wait for it. I have this intuition, this instinct that when things get hard you fight back, but when you snap, it's game over. I seen over my life, whether it's the right thing to do or not, that if you can't take it anymore, you take some more. But later, when you finally find out that it was too much, you run away. I've come to a breaking point, and I'm ready to leave. Take a break from my life.

My attitude on life has changed so much. It's kind of a "King Kong ain't got s*** on me" attitude. You know, more you a "F" you and all of this too. I hope that doesn't come of the wong way.

So I guess what I'm trying to say here is that I've had plenty to blog about. There's just been too much to conprehend. You know the feeling?

f-n' A Cotton, f-n' A

Yep, I did it. I changed the name of my blog. I had been thinking about this new name for a while, and instead of waiting until I graduate high school, making the former name inadequate, I just changed it now. Oh, and for the new look, I guess I just did it because I was bored.



As for what I've been thinking about this week, well, I been watching a lot of ESPN, and here's my deal, I HATE the Patriots. It may sound harsh, but I would be quite alright if Tom Brady tripped over his dog, fell down the stairs colliding with his coach Belichick, severely injuring both. Is that going too far? Can Tom Brady please smile and at least act like he's enjoying himself, because if he's not, please, retire. You're ruining it for the rest of us. And as for the racking up of the score, show some class. Show some respect for the game. I understand that you want to play hard for the whole game, but understand that playing in shotgun for the whole fourth quarter while up by thirty eight points is disrespectful. You've proved your point, your better than them, good job, now step off. All your doing is making yourselves look like jackasses. Eventually, someone is going to take it personally and take it out on Tom Brady. I'm surprised it hasn't happened yet. I'm looking for Bob Sanders this week end to take care of it. Take it easy, let off. I'm not saying to just take a knee every play, but run the ball, use up the clock and when it's fourth down, kick a field goal! Aghhhhhhhh!



Very frustrating.

...

Yesterday, as I sat at my computer reading the comments on my most recent blog, I had a crystallizing moment. I had an opportunity to post a blog that, honestly, I was terrified to post. I wrote it, and rewrote it, talked to some people on whether or not I should post it, and eventually I did. It's not all that I have inside of my head, but it's a large portion of my recurring thoughts. At least, the ones I've had lately. I realized, when Fisher brought it to my attention, that I most definitely do have a understanding audience. One that I love to write to. I did take a risk. My mind was set that I was probably going to pretty much ripped to pieces in the comments left. It thought that I had missed something obvious and, through the lacking ability of text to convey emotion and attitude, I thought that someone was going to harshly bring it to my attention. No such occurrence. It's more then comforting.

I'm loved. I don't always feel like it. Though, not many people have the opportunity to do what I was able to do. I have friends and family that need me and they consistently show that. I want to thank you all for that.

As for my struggles with affection and what not, they're not over. I don't know how long that will take if it ever happens. I think that it's a strong possibility that this strive for affection is just something to redirect me towards God, but that makes things hard for me. I've never been one who easily can take the fix. I can't pursue the how, without the why. Rob Bell said it all in Velvet Elvis. The why questions need to be answered. I can't simply tell myself that I need to turn towards God for affection. I know, it sounds like the simple answer but I can't take it. Call me a stubborn bastard, I've only learned from the best (you know who you are).

I will wrestle my heart out with God. I will question and challenge everything that I can think of. I don't plan on any victories, but I have to do it. It's the best way for me to engage myself with God. In my everyday life, I question everything. Example: My teachers. Mr. Zander, well, he's not the fondest of me (sorry Erik if that disappoints you). He told me that I had to do my homework consistently to be a good student and if I will ever have a chance to make it to college. Whether that's true or not I'm not arguing. Though, he took out all personal value and that I can't tolerate. I know how to be a good student, I'm not an idiot. I need a why. Why is homework a key part of being a good student, why will I not have a chance to get to college without doing my homework, if I do so well on every test then why is the homework important? Is it about the journey or the end point? Then I have to ask, how do I value my time? Is homework worth my time, in my view? I've always wanted to ask the why, because until those questions are answered, you don't know what how questions even need to be answered.

I love the fact that I challenge everything. I wouldn't be even close to the same person I am today. I don't think that chasing after the heart of God looks anything like simply turning to him. You've got to reach out, grab a hand full and hold on for the ride. Don't take anything easily. Then, God can show you what is important, not just tell you. So I'm bulking up for the ride. **I just flexed of my proverbial plilosophical guns** **sad thing is--there bigger then my real guns**

Now I'm late for Pork Chops. Ah...but is the time that I could have been spending eating Pork Chops worth giving up so that I can reflect on my current life? Depends, why do I even need Pork Chops in the first place?

buh-wah?

I'm hesitant to post this. I can see many of you reading it and just brushing it off as something that I'm simply blowing out of proportion. I hope you don't read into the details, they're just examples, but more into the whole idea.

I can't tell you how many times I lie in bed with my eyes open, hands on my fore head talking to no one. I can't tell you why I do either. I think that maybe it has something to do with my metabolism. I don't eat breakfast, and so I don't start my daily metabolism until 12:30, and that can be a shocker on the system. My body is trying to function on just two huge meals a day. So come around 10:00, I'm not tired because my body didn't really wake up until 12:30 or so. Get it? Never mind if you do or not, that's not he important part. The main idea of this paragraph, if you couldn't tell, is that I lie awake at night, talking to myself.


It's a strange state to be in, trust me. I can't lie, but I got to tell you that what I'm about to say is a little embarrassing. What I'm actually doing while laying there in my bed, is having fake conversations with people who aren't actually there. Almost rehearsal conversations. I don't know why, but I have these full on, dramatic and embellished conversations with someone, and the best part is that it always ends well for me; if it doesn't, I start it over so that it does. Oh, and if it goes really well and I actually want to have that conversation in life, I will sit there and practice it, over and over and over. It's a habit, it's a comfort, it's an addiction!


Somewhere in my life, I became a little socially awkward. The worst part was when I noticed it and started to make a big deal about it, only making it worse. Most of you that read this blog, hopefully haven't noticed because, well, I know you well enough not to be awkward around you. Yet, trust me when I say that I tense up when I'm around other people. I don't know why and I'm sure that a psychiatrist could tell me why, but I really don't care. I just am. There are some people who I just have a tuff time getting to know.


So from here, I think you have figured it out. Those people who I can tend to be awkward around, tend to be the people I "practice" having conversations with. (Man, I sound really lame right now)...(Do I really plan on posting this?)...(Buh-wah?)

I have great friends, a good father, a loving mother and probably the best brother that I could ask for. I'm blessed with those relationships. So anything I say is not in offense to them. It's just how I tend to feel.

I strongly believe that humans were meant for relationships. My brother once said "It's not what you do, but who you do it with." I think that's completely true. I would rather go through a proverbial hell with someone who I care about and who cares for me, then to be in paradise with someone who only comes off negative to me. Humans absolutely need relationships. They are the core of our life. Everything we do, we share with someone in a relationship. And inside that relationship is affection. Affection is crucial to our simple nature. If someone one tells you that they don't care what other's think of them, it's not true. Not at all. They do. They want affection from someone. They want someone to think positively about them. That affection inside our relationships is crucial.

In my life, I'm on a constant search for affection. From every relationship I have, I suck out as much as i can get because I strive off of relationships. I hope that you stuck with me this far because everything I have said is about to come together...hopefully.

Sometimes, I'll have a bad day, a bad week, a bad...you get the point. To try to get myself up and out of that hole, I start searching for affection from others. My friends, my brother, my mom and dad. Yet, sometimes, especially latley, I feel shorted. I still have that erge to feel loved; I have a need to feel needed.

So then, I look at other people outside of my closer relationships. I look at people who are, well, "better" than me, for lack of a better word. What I mean by better is people who I look at and see that they are lovable. They are someone who gets affection all the time. And how do I know that? I don't, I assume it off of thier looks, attitude and how other people act towards them. I begin to think that maybe, if I was to start a relationship with them, and they start to pour thier affection into me, it will be enough. I will be full of affection and things will go easier. "If thier so loved, then thier affection towards others is worth more, and if I get some of that, I'm set."

Then, I realize, that I get awkward around those kinds of people. I've got to be honest, Those people really are all girls. I suck at talking to and getting to know girls. It's not my fortey. When I get awkward around them, I feel worse about myself, and search for that affection even harder. I star to tell myself "I just need a girlfriend". Then I start looking at girls as potential dating partners completley for my benifit. I see in hind sight that looking at girls this way is completley wrong and only puts on more pressure, so I act more awkward, suck worse at getting to know anyone, feel even worse and look for more affection.

Then, when I get home and go to bed, I lay there thinking of a converstation with them. Trying to suply myself with false affection.

Now, I realize that I just tied in God's creation of humans into my "girl problems", but it's not about my girl problems. It's about the fact that I'm never satisfied with the relationships I have. I can't fill myself enough with affection. The worst part is, is when I try to turn to God for affection. It's the hardest thing because it's tuff to feel his presence in my everyday life. I blogged about earlier. I hope that you would agree that it can be hard to feel God's affection when your in your daily schedule. Though, when I go out and look at the stars, it's different, becasue I can feel God's presence, and I am instantly filled. But that's easier said then done.

I strive for affection in my relationships. Everyone does. And when I can't find enough, I start searching in all the wrong places. My "girl problems" is just a symtom of that. All I know is that I sometimes start to go downhill, losing any motivation that I have, when I don't feel needed. I have dating issues, I guess, and I sometimes think that dating shouldn't be that big of a worry for me. But when I'm in such need for affection, dating almost becomes a nessecity, and my struggles with it, becomes a bigger deal. You see, my blogging about girl problems isn't so pathetic anymore.

I could of worked harder on this post. My clearity might be a little rough and I might not have explained myself as much as I wanted to. That's how it goes, eh. I hope you read it and understand what I'm saying. Maybe you have something to say, and I hope you do, but please don't think that this is the extent of my thoughts on this. This post is the Happy Meal of my thoughts.

i think I said to much

At first, I wasn't so sure of the name Steel Train, sounds a little...generic, but I was wrong. Oh so wrong. Check out thier new CD, it's posted on thier myspace. They really are amazing musicians. I mean to hear that sound and to make it come to life like they do, it's inspiring. I'll just let the music talk for itself. Firecracker is an obvious favorite.

http://www.myspace.com/steeltrain

Oh yeah, and I get to attend thier concert on Monday...Join me, would you?

i've puked something better looking

My bet is that you don't want to hear about the Broncos. I just posted about them and I might sound a little obsessive but I have got to get this off my chest. They really do suck. It woudln't be too hard for them to be 0-5. We're lucky that we are 2-3.

Brandon Marshall told reporters yesterday that he thought that the Broncos fans aren't first class. That they shouldn't leave so early in the game just because they are loosing. He said that it's not right that the fans were booing the Broncos. Well, I've got news for you Brandon...You sucked too. Marshall fumbled in the second quarter inside the five. Man, you really have the right to tell me, a fan, that I'm not first class.

Get used to it. Denver, Colorado most of the US, is a feel good fan. They root for what ever is easy to root for. They just want to feel good about their team. It's pretty tuff to feel good about the Broncos right now. I don't know if you noticed, but football at Invesco Field at Mile High is no longer just Football, no. When you play there, you are now an entertainer. Ever since the new Stadium, it isn't about the Football game and sticking out anything that comes your way, always staying by your teams side. It's about have a good time. It's about enjoying yourself. There aren't any die hard fans anymore, well, not very many. You saw all 15,000 of them during the fourth quarter of the game. They are the only ones who stayed. You have to understand that the atmosphere at the new Invesco Field has turned Broncos Football into Broncos entertainment. It's nothing like the old mile high. Your right, there are no first class fans, because Invesco field isn't a first class football field. It's a first class entertainment extravaganza, and so that's what you get, first class idiots who just want to be entertained.

With that said, I just wanted to say something. I realized this week end how volatile my heart and hopes can be. Last week I was pretty sure that I was going to take a year off. Now, well I'm not so sure. It's still a very good chance because of cost issues with college, but I may go to school next year at the university of Oregon. I might have a chance to get the WUE scholarship and the Lacrosse coach will hopefully make a pull for me and I would have a good chance at other grants and scholarships as well. Now, my mind is set on being a Duck. I just wanted to point that out just to prove that I'm as uncertain about my future as I should be.

...and my hat's real low

Jay Cutler is the Jay-z of the NFL. With his helmet so low, he rocks the jay-z look. I think that's pretty sweet. Thought I would share that.

The Rockies just won their first game in the series. I'm actually going to say it. Go Rockies!?

I'm going to go work out here in a little bit. It'll be the first time...ever. I'm really lazy. I hope Paul doesn't make fun of me. I don't think I could lift a even half of what he does.

I just set a PR. 4 comments. Count 'em. My last post got the most comments I've ever got. I thought that that was pretty sweet. Thanks for the feed back. I definitely don't think that I would lose anything if I took a year off. Oh and Bryce, I know that going to college isn't choosing a career, but It's a big step towards one. I have an amount of time before I get a career, and I get to choose how much time that is. I'm in no hurry to get one, so that time frame can be as long as I want. I don't know that going to college next year is really what I want, so why go. Maybe I should take sometime off, experience things, go to college, experience that and see what life has for me after that. Maybe It's a career, maybe it's more "free" time. Thanks for the comments.

"class started two hours ago, oh am I late?"

I procrastinating on studying for my calculus test tomorrow. I'm pretty good at it. It's over the applications of derivatives. You know, first derivative rule, second derivative rule, concavity and the such. I really not enjoying this chapter.



I've been thinking a lot about what I'm going to do next year. To tell you the truth, I'm trying to keep my options open, like visit various schools, try for better ACT scores and looking for some scholarships. It's a good thing. I don't want to change my mind last second and find that I haven't given myself very many options, but still, I can't lie, I want to go to Oregon. Another fact, I don't really want to go to school next year. I really want to move to Oregon, or some place like the such, live with who ever I could, find a job, be a part time "musician" (meaning I play my guitar a lot) and eventually gain state residency, then go to school the next year . Most the time I feel like that would set me back. Like if I were to take a year off, then I would be behind schedule. But really, I don't have a schedule. Maybe taking a year off is on my schedule and then I would be right on track. When I tell some people that, they hint that they don't think that it's the best idea. They might not mean to, but that's the gist I get. I don't think I would. I was talking to my dad the other day and he says that his biggest regret was not playing more before getting a career. I'm in no hurry to get a career. I just want to experience life, grow through other windows besides school.



I hope your having a good week. I get to sleep in on Wednesday because it's a late start day. Score!

i use level soap

Every morning I wash my face. It's something that I always do. I usually use Level soap, but no matter where I am, I always wash my face. It makes me feel clean, yeah definitely, but it makes me feel calm because I start the day of like I do every other day. It keeps me in a line, in rhythm, in routine.

My whole life is a routine. I just posted on my morning motions. That is exactly what I do every morning. It almost never differs. Then I go to school, come home, watch some ESPN, eat dinner, do some homework and then go to bed. It's my routine.

Sometimes I go to bed, crawl under the covers, and have a sense of emptiness. Almost like my day was unfulfilled. Think about it, I didn't do anything to better myself or my life. I just went through the motions of my day. I do it five times a week, for 9 months out of the year. It's my routine.

This summer, I had no routine. No restrictions, no plans, no obligations. I went with life. I went with every opportunity I got. I made the most of what it was I was doing right then. I was always doing something new. It was almost like I was outside of my comfort zone...constantly. I had more experiences in those short three months then in my high school career combined. I lived intentionally. I never gave way to a routine.

If you constantly surround yourself with the same thing every day, your sense become dull. Only new experiences can sharpen your senses and let you view the world and God's creation in new ways.

God is always talking. I believe that. I think that as humans we fail to always listen. I think that our everyday routine allows us to just go through the motions of the day, not paying attention to what God is trying to say. Our senses become dull, not aware, we stop living with intention. It becomes a charade.

Are routines bad? No. Not entirely. They can give us a sense of accomplishment and comfort. They allow us to enjoy the people and the places we are at now, everyday. We never have to detach that. We never have to leave to go do something new. That allows deeper relationships and a huge understanding of your current life. When your always on the move, always experiencing new things, you can't go very deep. You always have to break connections, losing that ability.

I think that the solution is to try to find how to have new experiences, sharpen your senses and listen to God, in a routine of your life. I don't know how to do that really. I'm still trying to figure that out. I don't think that simply giving a good helping of prayer and bible reading into everyday will help, because the way I pray, what I pray about and the way I look at the bible, won't change. I will run into the same problem. My senses will become dull.

The way we look at God and the world and our perspectives need to change. Our world changes everyday and our faith needs to follow that. If we catch ourselves in a rut, in a routine, our faith and views won't change.

I don't know. I'm just trying to figure it out. I didn't go very deep because, I haven't thought about it very deep. Maybe you can continue the conversation and go farther.

If you read this far then you should go now to my good friends blog. He just started it and needs a little encouragement. I've read some of his stuff and its great. The link is to the left as Andy Telenko.

sounds in the morning

A few heavy breaths

A rustle and a turn

My dad's soft voice

'It's time to get up'

A moan

A loud shift in the blankets

A silent count to three

One...two...three

One last sigh and a lift out of bed

I'm up

The sliding of my feet

The creek of my door

The spray of the shower

The pounding of the sink

Up and down, up and down

I'm clean

Doors open

Doors close

The dryer is pried

A zip of the zipper

The clank of the belt

I'm dressed

A few generic greetings

'Good morning'

'Good morning'

A flip of the paper

A swig of the glass

I'm out

The skid of my feet on concrete

The clack of the car door

A turn of the key

And a blare of the music

A rev of the engine

The roll of the tires

Damn, I'm late

Montana?

So, at least I'm trying. At least I'm blogging again. It might not be very frequent but hey, I'm a very busy man. Not really actually. My afternoons are full of ESPN, playing football with Sean and Paul and thoughts, key word thoughts, about doing my homework. So, I guess I could write more.

Just like this past summer, I here the road calling my name again. This time, there are a few more possey members. Actually, they're all coming. Shortly after I finish mowing the Shay's lawn, I will hop in the car with three of my closest friends, Sean, Paul and Matt, and push for the North. Destination, Bozeman Montana.

I love Montana. I'm not really sure why. It's slow there. Not bad slow, but a calming slow. A slow that reminds you that life doesn't have to be hectic. I get to take a break when I'm out there. Be in a new place. I get to leave school and whatever back home. That's always a wonderful feeling.

I'm exciting to see my brother. I don't know why I always have a good time when I go up to visit him. Maybe I like him because he's in Montana or maybe I like Montana because Montana has him. I don't know but I can't remember ever regretting going up there. I'm super stoked and can't stop thinking about it. I think it's essential to take a break and let God calm your heart and clear your mind. I think that it's important to do it alone, true, but I also think that fellowship with people close to you is important too.

Hope you have a good week end.