if I was the crying type

The grass was just turning green. I sat on the cold bench, while the sun set behind the majestic rocky mountains. I looked up, then down at my helmet loosley gripped in my hands, then back up at the mountains. I slipped the hard plastic over my head, fixed the straps, and threw on my gloves.

My head raced. I struggled to focus my mind on one single thought, let alone the right one. How was I going to remember this moment? What should I do, think, say? It's my last game, God damn it, I didn't want to regret anything.

I ran, got hit and put the ball in the net, as usual. I said some encouraging words and convinced not only my team, but myself that we had a chance to win. But, in the end we lost. And that was the last time I wore the Dawson name across my chest.

I realize that's it was just another game. That the one thing that will define my time at Dawson, playing lacrosse, are the people who I've laughed with, bled with and played with. Those I lost with, those I won with. Those I looked up to, and those who looked up to me.

So here's to them; My teammates. Here's to being a part of something bigger than myself. Here's to being apart of my team.


In stretching lines before the game, because men stretch in lines.


That's our goalie, nick-o


Sam, taking someone's cockies. "Damn it feels good to be a ganster"


That's Robert...he's, well, pretty dominate when he wants to be

.
Barney ripping a shot. You're still a freshman to me.


Andrew, aka Cranky Cat. Stay on his good side.


Another epic shot of Rob.


Stevy. Run seabiscuit, run!


The seniors; Coach Aldrich, Micheal, Robert, Sam Z., Kevin, Sam C., Jared, Andrew and me.


Don't we look sharp in our new black jerseys?


My team.

I'm going to miss everything about playing lacrosse with you guys. Thanks for that. Best of luck.

just ignore this

I'm back in school now. It doesn't feel great but I got to tell you it's not that bad. I don't do much. As a second semester senior, I've really checked out. I've bought into the idea of senioritous. One of my teachers last year had me convinced that it was a bunch of bull. I thought that it was just an excuse for not working. But now that I'm here, I've found myself trying less without thinking about it. Almost like my subconscious knows that I'm close to done, and in turn allows myself to get a bad case of senioritous. Or maybe I just choose to not think about it because if I just don't think about it, I don't have to address it like a problem, I can simply go about my normal day being a senior. Ignorance is bliss, I'm learning that slowly.

On a side note, Aaron has committed to not eating anymore meat. Well, he's calling himself a free-gan. He will eat meat, but tries his damndest not to. I don't know how he does it living in the Haagenson household, but he does. It's impressive. I talked to him about it a little bit. He doesn't do it because of animal cruelty, well at least that's not enough alone. He does it because the production of meat in general is a major contributer to the harm being done on our environment. I decided right then and there that it was just easier for me to not think about it. Because as soon as I start to think about it, I'll probably start to think that I to should try to not eat meat as much. Good and bad..for me, mainly bad. I eat meat. I eat a lot of meat. Mainly pork in any sort. I would like to continue enjoying my diet with meat in it. If I were to think about the ramifications of my gluttony, I would stop eating meat which that defeats my whole value system. Right?...right. Ignorance is bliss.

Ignorance is bliss can really bite you in the ass. If you let it get out of control, you could live a life that you may have enjoyed, but in retrospect, went nowhere. Here's my biggest struggle. As I say those very words, I start to think to myself, "just don't think about it". Because If I just don't think about how I choose to be ignorant toward certain things, then I don't have to see it as a problem nor do I have to fix it. My ignorance of my ignorance is my ultimate bliss. It's an ongoing cycle that never ends.

javon walker: his name doesn't deserve to be capitalized

Chump. Few people fit that category for me, but the shoe definitely fits javon walker. The man, sorry the chump, didn't deserve the Broncos. He's a Raider now, and it's my duty to despise him. Also, since he was a Bronco, I have to hate him extra. I don't know the logistics of that, but I know it's true.

On a lighter note, I have to gloat in something real quick. I got team captain for lacrosse today. It's been one of those things were it hits you at random times and you just start yelling. Do you know what I'm talking about? Like there, just then I just had an overwhelming urge to yell in celebration.

I think I'll make this one a cliff hanger.

blo bla ble blo

So here are my ten final prints from the first half of the semester. I hope you like them. sorry that some of them are sideways, I'm going to do a more "formal" post on these at my Photo 2 blog soon.

my shaft is fine, but I broke my head

Ha...it worked. Go ahead and try to tell me that that title didn't make you want to read this. You can thank Mr. Aaron Beoke for that one.

It's true. My shaft is in good condition but my head is crack in at least three different places. There's even a chunk missing from the side. It's pretty well useless now. It rattles around and bends in awkward ways.

Oh...you thought...come on. I was talking about my lacrosse stick. Tisk tisk.

I watched a documentary last night with Beoke. It was called the Aristocrats. I really did feel a little sick to my stomach afterward. If you ever think of watching it, do at your own risk.

Here what I want to say...I don't know about the man's policies really, I don't know his platform, but I like to hear the man speak. He just seems like an honest and humble man. That's all I want really. So...Obama your mama. What ever that means, but I think it supports Obama, which is what I was going for there.

"Myspace is lame"...did i say that?

So I did it. I won't even say a word, and nor should you. It is what it is, no matter what I said in any previous blogs (say April 2007).

www.myspace.com/ryanhaagenson

But there's reason, oh trust me on that. I have music and I never said that Myspace-music is lame.

just a thought

Ah hell...here we go again. I'm sitting here in a exhausting, and near apathetic, loss for words. I want to write, I do. And yet, I find it hard to focus my thoughts. There seems to be nothing to write about. The Shins are singing through the speakers to the left and right of me, hands burning from the unnumbing process that I have to dread through (it's unbelievable cold outside). What is a man to write about? Complaints? Sure, but those are easy. Sum up my life as in the past month or so? Could, but honestly, those can be the most boring blogs to read. Damn it, I did it again. I had nothing to say and so I drug on about nothing. Here's the line...here's me. (making swinging motion with one arm and doing to walking man motion across it with the other) Deep breathes, count to ten. Focus....sigh....just focus. Nope, didn't work. Never does.

Sometimes I just wish life would take a day off. A day that Nothing happens. No one says anything, no one goes anywhere. I just need to step back, look at myself. Look at my life. Make an assessment in sorts. I think that I've had many chances to grow and learn from what's been going on in my life recently with family, friends, school, but I never want to think about them. They're just so emotionally draining. I heard somewhere that it's good for a person to go off by themselves and just be alone. Meditate, pray, just breath. You know, four times a minute like we're suppose to. I heard that it's actually biblical. It's true, I guess. Jesus went off on his own all the time, right? I don't know, maybe I don't give myself any real alone time. I usually just take naps.

It was speratic and quite choppy, but so are my thoughts most the time. Thanks for listening, or reading I guess. I think that maybe my blogs would be better when read aloud. Just a thought.